Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
