I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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