I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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