Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Randomize
