You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
