i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
