I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
