I didn't shave. On purpose
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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