oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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