I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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