PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
