So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
