woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
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