You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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