Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
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