I can text with my tongue
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
