You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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