i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
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