Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
