$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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