you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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