just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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