is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
