Kiss
Puke
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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