A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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