I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
