We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
