He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize