Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
