ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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