considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
