Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
