I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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