god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
