I feel great
I just peed on a car
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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