They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
