i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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