So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
