I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
