My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
You made out with two different species that night
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
