her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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