Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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