dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
