I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
