forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
