Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
