I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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