Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
