I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
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