Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
