At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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