Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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