You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
