No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Randomize
