I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
