I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
