i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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