If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
It's official drugs can't kill me
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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