Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
