So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
