Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize
