I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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