No, you can still breathe under the balls.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
