So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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