He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Boobs are out for the taking
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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