I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
