Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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