No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize