I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Are we still banned from the library?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
