I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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