So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
