I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize
