yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
