1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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