last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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